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Like any job, NBA Rookies are required to review and study comprehensive material pertaining to their new career. Believe it or not, most of it is tedious paperwork, often consisting of tax policies, contracts and employment notices. For example, Utah is an "at-will employment" state, meaning any of its players can be fired or quit without requiring notice--A fact PF C.Boozer has kept in mind since moving to the Jazz. NBALeeks got their hands on a portion of the NBA Rookie Employment Manual and has excerpted a page that the league takes very seriously. It waxes poetic but gets the point through.
Excerpt from “NBA Rookie Orientation Manual”
by Dustin Fox Chapters 7-8: Proper Toilet position for upright males when using the toilet (Originally titled “PLEASE LIFT UP THE RIM!”) Summary in brief: When utilizing the toilet, a standing male should lift up the Toilet Lid.
Through the ages, mankind has often struggled with the solutions to many complex problems and questions: Why are we here?; What is the nature of the universe?; How do the fundamental forces of nature work?; What is the proper toilet position for an upright male?; Is there a human spirit?; Will my significant other stop cooking Mushroom Stroganoff (she knows I don’t like it)?; What is mankind’s destiny? Many questions yet defy scientific elucidation. For example, it’s been scientifically proven Mushroom Stroganoff kills brain cells (See Chapter 18-3: Extraneous Impacts upon Toilet Usage), yet some individuals keep cooking it. However, Science is able to answer other questions, one in particular: What is the proper toilet position when said toilet is utilized by an upright male? There are four primary toilet positions: 1) “Off Position” – Also known as “Stochastically Nil Posture”, this is characterized by a toilet that has both the Toilet Rim and Toilet Lid lowered. 2) “Standard Position” – Also known as “Mandeluvian Posture”, this is characterized by a toilet that has the Lid raised, but the Rim lowered. 3) “Fully-Raised Position” – Also known as the “Gorgon Posture”, this is characterized by a toilet that has both the Lid and the Rim raised. 4) “Precariously Dangerous Position” – Also known as the “Flying Flamingo”, this is only practiced in porto-potties that are rolling down a hill, and as such is covered in Chapter 16: Porto-Potties and U.S. Casualties.
The correct position for an upright male is the “Fully-Raised Position”. To modify the toilet to this correct position, utilize the steps below:
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