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NBALeeks has been given a copy of the certificate that will be presented to Jerry Sloan on December 11th, 2008 during halftime of the NBA game between the Utah Jazz and the Portland Trailblazers.
The certificate, along with other accolades, will be presented by "Peter," an assistant for the surreptitiously unavailable Larry Miller. The halfttime ceremony will honor Coach Jerry Sloan's 20 years of service to the Utah Jazz--where he has established the second-longest tenure for any coach in America's professional sports. First place belongs to the late Olaf Sjenndon, who lead the Montanna Madawgs (formerly Florida Strong-Breeze) APPPA team over 34 years from 1949-1983, during Ping-Pong's glory days.
The ceremony will reportedly involve 20-minutes of fireworks, fanfare, trumpet solos, and a Chinese girl riding on a unicycle who throws bowls on her head. It will broadcast live across 8 nations (including China, where Sloan's communist ways demand a rabid following), accessing an audience of 1.75 Billion viewers (Though FSN reports it will not broadcast in HD). Sloan, who is known for for love of the limelight, will then read a poem he wrote to mark the occassion. NBALeeks could not obtain a copy of the poem, but managed to ascertain the title: Tractors and Traction: 20-Years Ballin' like a 850hp Cat® C32 ACERT™ Tractor all over ya' Beeyotches. The poem is expected to be an oral excerpt from his widely anticipated 2009 Album:The Sloan Zone.
In addition to the Certificate of Achievement, Sloan will also receive an extra protected sick-day (contingent on New York making the 2008-2009 playoffs), a $50 gift-card to TGIF, and a cheap sports watch.
-NBALeeks
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